This could be better....

I love the Giants. This, my friends, is no secret. I screamed horrible things at Tynes when he missed those two field goals, all the while telling Eli that he was doing a great job, no matter what. And really, I'm a Brett Farve fan, as long as he isn't playing the Giants.

But really, wouldn't this whole thing be better if anyone would give us a little credit? We didn't win the Dallas game, they lost. We didn't win today against Green Bay, they collapsed. Do 10 straight road games, and the calm, cool, collected play of a fourth year QB who's never won a playoff game mean nothing? Seriously Fox Sports, Sports Center and NFL on CBS. Show a little respect.

What about Chile?

Facebook is kind of killing me. I joined because one of the volunteers (he was 19, of course) kept telling me I was old because I didn't have an account, grandma jokes were tossed around. I was the oldest 26 year old in the room, so I bit the bullet.

I avoid Facebook like the plague. The photos of volunteers at retreat, the walls full of private jokes, the unanswered messages to me asking about my "return to my old life"...now I'm the oldest 27 year old in New York, as I now have a new life, and an old life, or something.

I'm erasing Chile from my life.

It's no real secret that I was never the biggest fan of the country. It's refreshing to be able to make friends with women again. It's nice to not to have people yell inappropriate things at me (although, now that I work in Harlem I can't say that never happens. In Harlem, people whistle).

I know that I'm making it worse on purpose, and that thinking about how much I miss my kids, and the fact that I can't replace them with the new girls I work with (although I might be able to be part of a book club for the girls! woot!). You'd think that, with the similar backgrounds of abuse and neglect, the focus on positive roles models, and the mission of putting children in charge of their own destiny rather than "saving"them, that the transition would be smooth.

But there was something comforting about living and doing this kind of work without my friends and family looking over my shoulder, being overly interested and making cracks about prostitution. Almost everyone I knew in Chile was involved with the kids in some capacity, aside from the random Chilean men I dated. And I can't say I ever talked to them about anything heavy. I never had to explain myself the way I do now. My conversations weren't all long political statements.

Or maybe they were. I can't remember.

Child Prostitution Laws in New York State: WTF

Here's some issue stuff I'm getting worked up about today. This is pretty outdated, but I'm new to all of this. Chew on it for a while, especially all of you New Yorkers:

Safe Harbor for Exploited Children...this didn't pass.

Disclosure

I've been toying with this post for a few days, writing it in my head on the subway or waiting for a bus. As much as I'm dying to relay the same kind of messages from my current job as I did from my last, I feel unbelievably guilty about disclosing exactly what's going on, or even where I'm working. It's all so sensitive, and it gets more real everyday. I'm an impostor there, and already have the feeling that I can't do much to help these girls. I can't relate to them, I can't ever truly understand them.

And then I try to wake from my melodrama. We had a long talk about disclosure today, the point being that at some point, the girls may want to discuss their situation with me. I am told that I have to be ready to handle it. Me. The girl who has already cried at her new job (tears of joy, because I got good news about my family while sitting at my desk). I have no idea what I would or wouldn't do, put in a situation that I merely write about on paper to solicit money. It's the kind of thing that in my world can't possibly be real.

I started listening to Ingrid Michaelson who, as it turns out, I totally know. We went to college together, and had lots of friends in common. We went to the same parties, and unknowingly gossiped about the same people. It is really weird to find yourself singing the songs and quoting the lyrics of someone you used to see perform in the dining hall. But I will anyway:

"I want to change the world, but instead I sleep." This is from "Keep Breathing" was featured heavily on Grey's Anatomy. Normally I'd say something snarky about that, but if there is one thing that Grey's does really well, it's drive home a scene with good music. Her song "The Way I Am" was in an Old Navy commercial, but I have issues with the video because of all the clowns.

So other people feel this way? All of the good intentions with none of the energy. Or good intentions leading to exhaustion because you feel like nothing you do is ever enough, like you'll never make a dent.

I had dinner with my best friend today, who I haven't been spending nearly enough time with. The theme of our meal, as if meals ever actually have themes, was DON'T FEEL GUILTY. About not having money, or moving to Chile, or leaving Chile, or being happy that you have the apartment to yourself, or that you don't speak Spanish anymore, or that you really like Grey Goose and won't drink well, or that you have a nice phone. Sometimes you need a nap, or can't get to the gym. Sometimes you just don't know what another person has gone through, but you listen to them all the same.

All you can do is try.

Never a doubt in my mind...

Eat that Barber twins!

Also: Never, ever read the "Weddings" section of the NYTimes. Thank me later.